Patience.
That's what I keep telling myselfâbecause it's something I've lacked since childhood. Whether it was grabbing chocolates before my elder sister or playing dress-up first at sleepovers, I always wanted things fast. Maybe that's why I started my own company at 21.
I worked hard on my start-up along with my college studies, and then became a successful millionaire.
But what's the point of sitting on the CEO chair when your assistant can't even come across a good hacker?
Mysha.
Who is sitting in-front of me, holding her laptop against her chest shielding it from Ivan's gaze as if her darkest secrets are buried inside it.
Possibly trueâ considering the fact that she likes him.
"What's the point of calling you here if you won't even let me see it?" Ivan said, crouching in-front of blueish Mysha. From her clothes to her sticky notesâeverything about her screamed blue.
"Privacy naam ki bhi koi chiz hoti hain, give me five minutes!" She whinged, shaking her head. Ivan's eyes narrowed but then he gave her a subtle nod.
Meanwhile, I slumped back on the couch. Observing how she types with fierce determination, Ivan stared at her as if she's doing some unbelievable stuff.
After she was done with hiding her mystery segment and placed the laptop back on the table, she narrowed her eyes at him, clearly annoyed by the way he was watching her work.
Rolling his eyes, Ivan sat beside me like a robot . And I'm not even exaggerating, he sat with his back straight as if it's made up from steel and hands resting on his knees. God, give this man some life will you?
"Are you sure she can do it?" I asked, feeling unsure, not bothering to look at him as I savoured my coffee. In my peripheral vision, I sense him nodding at my remark.
"Hmm, she's the topper of her college. Great marks. And I've seen some of her works they're pretty good." My eyes narrowed to her, a faint smile was on her lips and eyes glued to the screen.
"She's still a kiâ" She cut me off, and her eyes were darting between Ivan and me, "Can I have the number you wanted me to dig into?" There was slight excitement and eagerness in her voice.
I looked at Ivan, silently queuing him to pass the number. He scribbled it on a paper and smoothly slid it across the table. Mysha gave a quick "Thank you" and snatched it up
"Also... can I get a peach iced tea and a sandwich with no mayo?" she asked, glancing up at Ivan from behind her black frames.
When he didn't respond, she added with a pout, "Aapki wajah se subah-subah aayi hoon main. Breakfast bhi nahi kiya tha."
A beat passed and her attention shifted on me with a frowned expression on her face, "koi itna heartless kaisa ho skta hain?" I bite back a chuckle at her question.
Well, I do agree that Ivan is heartless and helpless in-front of this barely 5'4 college girl because he rolled his eyes and walked out after giving me a curt nod.
Her eyes followed after him and when he was out of her vision she turned around, "Itne bhi bure nahi hain," I hear her muttering under her breath as she gets back to work. And curiosity bubbled in me.
"So, Mysha, you-uhm you can track anybody's location and information?" My elbows were resting on my knees as I leaned forward as if I'm about to ask something very confidential. WhichâI'm not fyi.
Her eyes sparkled with excitement and confidence laced in her voice, "Uh-huh, yes I'm capable of doing that but within the codes I've written. I'm yet to learn a lot but I'm the first one in the collegeâobvo, to write this much code in the span of two months."
But this? It felt harder than creating jury presentation sheetsâwhich took nearly 70 hours. And even that seemed like a breeze in comparison.
"You're really good at it then I assume." I smile at her which she returns in repeated nods in agreement then flips her hairs, and lean forward to share the thought behind her grin.
"I started learning coding when I was in 10th standard, well it wasn't easy because amma said and I quote 'Unakku thalaiyil 27x27 alavukku akkal illai, aana coding kaththanumam!'" I blinked when she finished.
Because I couldn't understand what she said in the end. And when she sensed my confusion, she rubbed her nose slightly in embarrassment. "Sometimes I forget that nobody understands Tamil here, lemme translate."
"She said you don't even have the brains to solve 27 times 27, and you want to learn coding. But you tell me ma'am how can a 15 year old know what 27 times 27 is?" She said in slight disappointment.
I frown because even I don't know what 27 times 27 is and I would rather pet Bella than calculating this.
"Leave it, so where was I? Oh, yes. So, I used to have a stupid crush on the class topper who's life was more private than celebrities and that forced me to learn about him, well in some wrong ways." She shrugged as if it was normal to do that.
Taking a sip of my coffee, I voiced out my thought, "That's invading others' privacy." But that doesn't change her point of view as she waved her hand dismissively.
Then, fixing her glasses with her index finger like she was about to drop wisdom, she said, "There's no boundaries when you love someone."
This girl is confusing liking someone with loveâtoo unaware that love is far more dangerous, capable of capturing your soul with no way to escape.
But is it true that there's no boundaries when you love someone?
Boundaries aren't always normal or wickedâthey're personal. In my opinion, it's up to each person to decide whether to let their loved one cross certain lines, especially if it's done with reasons meant to keep them close.
Some boundaries can be deeply unsettlingâlike a threat to your soul, a shard of broken glass lodged in your heart, or a wave of thunderclouds pressing down on your mind.
Thankfully, I've none of these effects. And if I ever had, then I'd say Shreya's therapy sessions worked well.
Now, I only have to deal with nightmares, panic & anxiety attacks; but I haven't had any in the past year and a half year.
My chain of deep thoughts broke by the sound of Mysha's voice, dipped in a hint of curiosity, "Ma'am, oh wait should I call you ma'am or Mrs.Oberoi?" A pause as if to muster up the courage.
"I mean for me it's like I'm talking to my professor, can't I call you di. It's more comfortable." I've never been called didi, and it's not like I've kids or teenagers around me. So, I subtly nod at her suggestion.
A smile touched her lips as she went back to work. Meanwhile, I scroll down social media and cut through time while watching grwm reels of my favourite creator. She's oddly creative and funny at this.
Just when she was about to say something the glass door of my office swung opens.
Ivan walked in with a cup of peach iced tea and a sandwich. Without a word, he handed them to Mysha and leaned over to check the screen.
"Is it done?" He asked, raising his brows in a questioning way. Hands in pockets and posture steady. Robot.
"Plus-minus nahi hain jo itni jaldi ho jayega, avan enna muttal." she muttered the last part to herself, clearing fed up.
He raised his hands up in surrender, "Accha, sorry continue your work." Saying this, he took his previous place to sit, and adjust his frames.
People with glasses have their own struggles. Thank God I'm not one of themâotherwise, I'd probably spend my whole life just pushing them back up my nose.
đ€
My steps halted when I heard a sweet voice spitting out venom about her â husband.
"Jaan se nahi maar sakti na, pati hain mere." she whined, as if she deserved a medal for not acting on that very real murderous impulse.
I heard an exhausted sigh from Shreya, clearly done with whoever she was talking to. Some of her clients are weird. This one? Definitely beyond weird.
And since I know eavesdropping is bad manners, I walked back to the reception and took a seat onto the waiting couch. Looking at how the clinic is in rush as it's time for closing.
Earlier, I'd wrapped up work at the office. Mysha had told me her code would take a few days to run. So I decided to drop by Shreya's clinic and finally say what had been on my mind for days.
Taking out my phone, I opened the gallery. I hadn't taken a single selfie in weeks. The last picture I clicked was of Veer and maa; hugging each other at Veer's birthday dinner.
I swipe right and another picture of Veer slides in, he was alone in the frame this time. My heart skipped a beat and heat rushed to my face, when I recall how he made me dance without music two days ago.
Well, there was music that day, his heartbeats because â god, even thinking about it made me flush and hot.
Out of the blue a notification popped up on the screen, revealing that someone; my husband, had tagged me in his recent post. I was about to tap on it when the door of Shreya's cabin flew open and a girl in a lemon yellow suit emerged.
Her long hair wavered as she stormed out of the clinic with a determined etched across her face. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she actually killed her husband.
Shaking my head, I strutted in Shreya's cabin. Only to be greeted by her I'm-so-done-with-this-life expression.
"Well, who was she? She sounded like she's about to commit some crime." I grab her attention while slumping on the couch beside her desk.
Shreya placed her elbow on the table and leaned in the palm of her hand, turning to face me with an incredulous look, "You don't remember her?"
"Was I supposed to?" I asked in an obvious tone.
"She was your senior by one year, another department." She rolled her eyes when I rested my legs on her clean coffee table.
"Oh," I vaguely amused then I said, "Didn't ring any bells."
She nods, "Her name is Kashvi Mehrotra. Big trouble, ulti khopdi ki hain." That I know from how she talked about her intrusive thoughts.
Coming towards me, she removed my legs from the table with her hands and I gasped, "What the f- hell, Shreya!" She narrowed her eyes when I was about to curse because she doesn't like curses; Hindi & English both.
A sweet smile but a mocking one glides up on her lips, "Nothing, I just wanted to check if your legs were sore or not." My eyes widened and I choked on my breath, coughing so hard I thought I might pass out.
She rubs soothing circles on my back until I calm down, looking up at her with slight watery eyes I commented, "You seriously need to be treated. Your mental health screams for help at this point."
"What? You guys haven't done that?" Is she planning a heart attack?
I shook my head, "No, why would you even think of that, you perv." She burst out laughing and plopped beside me, her shoulder nudging mine, prompting an annoying groan from me.
"I was just pulling your leg, don't worry, I know nothing has happened." My throat went dry at the thought of doing that with Veer, and â I squeezed my eyes shut.
No. I had to bleach my mind now.
"Shut up, Shreya. I'm here for a serious matter." Her back straightened up as she heard me, face falling in a serious way.
"Babe, did you have any â" she clamped her mouth shut, not wanting to say the fact we both are aware of. Her hand came on top of mine, offering some reassurance, emotional support.
I inhaled deeply to compress the smile I've been holding. She thinks, I'd a nightmare and it's low-key funny. But the worried and tense expression on her face made me burst out laughing.
A punch landed on my arm and I winced, rubbing a hand over it. "I wasn't joking." I complained, throwing puppy eyes at her.
"My heart has a problem or rather it itself is a problem." I mumble, looking up at the ceiling.
When I didn't get any response, I faced her. She was looking at me with a done expression; the same she had when I entered her room.
"I'm a psychiatrist, dil ka ilaaj nahi aata mujhe." She stated, throwing her head back against the back of the couch and set her eyes on me. As if to examine me from head to toe.
I wrinkled my nose, "I didn't mean that I've some operation wali problem with my heart, it just functions weirdly lately. Actually since I met Veer."
"Ohhh, aur?" The excitement in her voice intensified, eyes widening in slight disbelief.
I folded my legs on the couch after slipping out from my heels, and relaxed fully before pouring out the accusations I had for my heart for several months.
"You know, whenever I go near Veer or he comes close, it skips a beat. And I mean it that every-fucking-time we are close to each other, it forgets to function properly." I complained like a 5 year old child.
She didn't interrupt me, and I continued further, "Sometimes I feel it's hammering against my ears, beeping so loud and fast that I feel it might explode." A faint smile was on her lips, making me nervous.
I chew on my lip before bitching about my heart, "I feel shivers when he touches me, â not in that way, stop smiling like a creep will you?" I throw a defensive glare at her.
She shakes her head, still holding her smile and signalling me to continue, I huffed. "Perv bitcâ" A hand came down on my mouth, stopping me to say any further, I rolled my eyes at her audacity.
This girl is comfortable in dirty talks but turns into a saint if hears a single curse.
"Hasne se pehle hazar baar sochna ab," I warned her; if I witness a smile or even a slight curve on her lips, I'm going to fill her ears with beautiful words. At last she nodded in defeat.
"Hmm," I cleared my throat, ready to add another complaint. "Two days agoâon his birthdayâI baked him a cake. I got caught before I could even surprise him, but that's not the main part. It was when I kissed the back of his hand and wished himâit felt good."
Well, at least my heart was beating normally back then. But the warmth that spread through my chest after he returned the gesture with kisses on my cheeksâit was terrifying.
Like an emotion growing quietly, taking root before I could stop it.
"You tell me, is it even healthy to feel this way when you're near someone?" I gulp, slightly anxious suddenly. "I've â I've never experienced something like this, Shreya, not even with â" I faltered.
"Don't you dare to say his name, babe, relax. Take a deep breath." She encouraged me and ease engulfed me again.
Handing me a glass of water, she asked if I wanted something to eat, I refused and put the glass back on the table. "Okay, I won't say his name, okay." I breathed out.
"Butâ" my brows frowned in confusion, distress. "My heart is a fucking traitor," I point a finger on my heart. "Isn't it?"
She rolled her eyes, "You like him. It's that simple. And ekdam perfect condition mein hain tumhara dil." Placing a hand on my hand, she gave it a gentle press, her tone obvious, matter of the fact.
"I like him?" I was in shock, disbelief.
"Um-huh, and I'm 100% sure he feels the same way. Because of the way he kissâ" this time I was the one who slapped a hand over someone'sâ Shreya's, mouth. She's being way more talkative lately.
It's annoying.
Huffily, I slipped in my pointy heels and stood up, turning my back to her as I walked to the door.
Her suggestive voice pierced through the atmosphere, "If you still have any ounce of doubt then look into his eyes, they never lie."
"They don't speak." I shot back, boredom laced in my tone.
"Neither your brain at this point, Mrs.Oberoi." Her voice echoed in the hallway as I was already out from her room, slamming the door shut.
Now, I might have understood why that girl from earlier stormed out of her room with that look on her face. Shreya is insufferable, I'll give two star ratings for her service.
Clutching the purse in my hand, I marched towards my car which I had parked in the side road parking area. I was here only because I wanted to relax my mind, I wanted someone to listen to what I had to say.
But my psychiatrist had some other plansâ to tease me endlessly.
It's so hard to find someone who would listen to you intently, with interest and sincerity. Someone who wants to know you by heart.
Throwing my belongings onto the passenger seat, I encircled the car but stopped midway when gaze fell upon the park full of joy, happiness. I suddenly realised that I haven't been in a park for a long time.
My hand hover over the handle, contemplating whether to walk in the park or not. I decided to go with the former one. Crossing the road, I made my way to the park.
The sun was set on the horizon, an orange and pinkish hue painted the sky. A few stars were glimmering through the misty clouds of winter and a cold breeze passed through me, sending a wave of cold shiver down my spine.
I glanced around my surroundings, kids were goofing around with each other, messing themselves in dirt. Meanwhile, their parents watch them from afar, sitting on the benches.
A smile was tugged on their lips, hands in hands, silent promises. They looked so inâ love.
My heart clenched at the scene in-front of me, a couple was strolling along the park footpath. It's so rare to find someone who looks at you like the man was looking at her.
Like you're their whole world, and they're ready to do anything but within reasons to keep you happy, to make you laugh instead of giving you reasons to cry on.
Goosebumps erupt on my body as I realise I can never experience that kind of love. I look up at the sky, wishing for the lone star to let me feel some love, affection. Not the unwanted pain and fear I had in me.
Approaching an empty bench, I relaxed myself on it and rested my head against it. My eyes settled on the sky above me, watching the moon appearing from beneath the clouds.
The cold breeze came again this time stays a little longer, prompting me to wrap my hands around myself. The Anarkali suit I was wearing today did nothing to shield me from this cold weather.
A wave of emptiness, loneliness and hollowness filled in my senses. I bury my face in my hands, mourning the happiness I had before that certain person walked in my life to shatter my every dream, every myth about love.
But I can't let the emotions consume meânot after years of self-healing. I look up at the moon, watching it shine like a pearl in the darkness of the universe, unbothered by the marks it has.
đ€
My eyes flutter open when someone shakes my shoulder, making me aware that I fell asleep on the bench. My throat dry and eyes heavy as I look at the elderly couple, looking at me with a frown on their faces.
"You shouldn't sleep in open places like this beta," the aunt shows her concern, her husband was rubbing her back gently.
Something pricked in the backside of my eyes threatening to escape a few tears but I stopped them.
I nod, smiling through watery eyes, "I- uh thank you for waking me up." I looked around to search for my phone to check the time but I couldn't find it, then I realised it was in the car.
The aunty patted my head in a lovely manner and I suddenly missed my dadi. She would have enveloped me in her arms if she found me sleeping like this.
"You're such a pretty lady, your husband must be waiting impatiently for you." How did she know that I'm married? I couldn't muster up the courage to ask her but when my eyes shifted to my wrists, I noticed bangles on them.
Shimmery red.
Uncle said something to aunty about her health but I was too focused on the bangles. They symbolised that I'm married and so were the vermillion, toe rings and mangalsutra I was wearing right now.
My gaze unknowingly shifted to aunty and went on her wrists, sure enough she was wearing bangles. Uncle holds her hand for support and a silver ring shines on his ring finger. He was smiling at her, adoring her.
"If you're okay beta, then we leave for home. Aur dhyan rakha karo apna," he caressed my cheek then patted my head.
I was out of words so I just nodded with a smile on my face. They retreat back to where they have to go.
Home.
I think, I've a home too.
Patting my cheeks to wake my senses up, I walked to where my car is parked. The whole surrounding was black only the streetlights show the path.
Once I was inside, I checked my phone to see the time, it was 10:30. And it has five missed calls from Ivan and â oh my god, almost twenty from Veer. Instead of calling him back, I start up the engine and drive home.
It took me almost thirty minutes to reach and when I opened the main door and walked into the living room, I witnessed Bella sleeping on top of Bruno. Without making any noise, I slip out of my heels.
My steps came to halt when I spotted Veer standing at the far end of the couch, still in the white shirt and black pants he'd worn earlier.
His eyes scanned me from head to toe as if to check any signs of injuries. The tension in the room intensified when he took a deep breath, and my breath turned shallow.
Fingers curled into fists when his eyes clashed with mine, the tension he had on his face started to ease, If anything, he was worried about me.
Strangely, It makes me feel â happy. And my heart flutters.
Dropping my purse on the white marble floor, I took small steps forward in his direction and when I was within his reach my hands unknowingly wrapped around his waist, hugging him in silence.
No words.
Just a familiar hug from my husband.
My muscles relaxed, the only sound that I could hear was his heartbeats; beating intensely against my ear. "I can hug you right?" I mumble after a few seconds or minutes? I don't know. I was just feeling somehow unsure.
My fingers clutched his shirt tightly, seeking the comfortâ the warmth I always find in him. He feels like a home; steady and warm, tucked away in the middle of a stormy, snow-covered world.
I bury my face in his chest when I feel his hands travel down on my lower back. A flush of heat rose to my cheeks, a soft blush blooming across my skin but I didn't pull away.
He hummed, and I had to bite my lower lip to suppress the smile threatening to spread across my face. "Anytime?" I asked, just to feel a little more special.
Goosebumps erupt on the back of my neck, when his hands around my waist tightens with an exhale of breath. He chuckled against my head, suggesting "I can be your personal hug machine, if you want."
There was a hint of teasing in his tone but I nod, shyly. I couldn't gather the courage to look up at his face because if I do so, he would witness my red, flushed face.
Inhaling deeply, I snuggled in his arms more comfortably; a musky scent engulfed my senses. His hugs feel at ease, comforted, safe and serene.
I smiled against his chest at the thought. God, he's corrupting me with his silly words.
How can he say them so casually? It took everything in me just to hug him like this. My heart's still racingâso fast, I swear it's about to burst.
"Mind telling me kahan thi aap, Mrs.oberoi?" Someone tell him to stop calling me aap. Something flutters in the pit of my stomach.
Still not looking up at him, I mumbled against his chest, "I was in the park for a walk, but I accidentally fell asleep while gazing at the sky. And before you could ask why I didn't answer your calls, my phone was in the car."
A beat passed, then his voice spread warmth around my chest, " I was worried for you." Five words yet they feel heavier than any emotions I've felt.
'Look into his eyes, they never lie.' The words from Shreya, echoes in the back of my mind.
Hesitantly, I rest my chin on his muscled chest and gaze up at him. His black â intense, yet comforting â eyes locked with mine. My heart nearly collapsed when his pupil dilated for a few seconds.
Ignore what those stupid books say about dilated pupils, Siya. Just ignore.
"You were worried for me?" The words escaped even before I could rethink 100 times in my head. Why do I keep questioning him?
And why the fuck my surrounding suddenly feels so hot? It's literally October.
"Hmm, I was worried about my wife, who happens to sleep in open parks. Quite dangerous, Mrs. Oberoi. Never do that again." He gently mussed my hair. This time, I didn't feel annoyed because they were already in bad condition.
"Hmm?" He hummed again, and this time he held the back of my head and forced me to nod in agreement. His eyes squint while doing it and the damn dimple appears on cheek to steal a beat again.
I might faint at this point.
"Sirf hug kiya tha, aap toh zabardasti haan karwa kare hain," I complained at last.
A chuckle escaped past his lips, he asked, "Accha no force this time, now tell me you won't do something like this again okay?" His voice drops and sounds like a soft melody.
Placing a finger on my chin, I pretend to think. Not bothering how his arms are still wrapped around me, holding me close to his body. "What if I say no?"
"Then I'll have to be your night guard I think." He suggested in his nonchalant tone.
My eyes widened and I resisted the urge to trace his cheekbones with my fingers, "With black shades and suit, like a proper bodyguard? Leave the shades, raat ko dikhega kaisa vrna aapko." I tease him.
Slowly, his eyes move behind me for a brief moment before they return and clash with mine. A smile curled up on his lips as he was about to speak but something fluffy touched my legs eliciting a sudden yelp from me.
My hands instinctively flew around his neck, clutching him tightlyâas if he were the only thing grounding me.
He laughed, effortlessly lifting me by the waist with one arm, while bringing his other hand to his ear in a mock-serious gesture before sayingâ
"And when someone scares you, I'll come to your rescue and say, 'Mrs. Oberoi is safe, sir,'" he said, mimicking the stiff tone of a movie bodyguard.
My legs dangled in the air, swaying slightly as he held me effortlessly by the waist.
"You're the sir," I pointed out, finally relaxing after realizing it was only Bella who had scared me.
I bet she is just jealous and hates me. Wait until I get my hands on her, I will move her cat house to the farthest corner of this house.
His hold on my waist loosened slowly and broke my intrusive thoughts about Bella.
He caresses my hair in a tender way, worrying gleaming in his warm black eyes, "What am I going to do with you?" He muttered to himself.
His thumb stills between my frowning brows as he added, "Stop looking at me like that, Mrs.Oberoi." The way he breathed out the statement made my lips curl downwards in confusion and eyes squint.
"Like what, Mr.Oberoi?" I hope I am not looking at him with gandi nazar. I smack my head mentally at the thought. Gandi nazar? I would never.
I nibble on my lip as my hands absentmindedly plays with his sleek black tie which was hanging loose around his neck. Few buttons were undone, providing me with the silver of his muscular chest, and neck.
My eyes caught the curve of a smirk on his lips, but the mole on his lower lip stole my gaze and the proximity was compelling me to get on my toes and touch that mole with fingers or lips.
I shut my eyes closed when I realised I was indeed looking at him with gandi nazar. And I pray to every god to not let him know it.
He was about to say something, but I quickly shifted the focus, blurting out, "I'm hungry." It wasn't entirely a lieâI hadn't eaten anything since the breakfast I had in the morning.
He took a step back letting his hands travel from my waist to cupping my face in his big handsâ they legit covered my whole face, fingers tracing my cheeks softly.
"So you didn't have dinner?" He asked, and I nodded my head in agreement.
"That's why you were looking at me like that."
I tilted my head slightly, confused, "like what?" This time I let him speak but regretted the second the words escaped past his lips.
"Like you could devour me alive if you had the chance." I gasped at his judgement.
"I wasn't looking at you in that way!" I whinged, clearing opposing the statement while deep down knowing how correct he isâ well 50-50 because I didn't recall thinking about devouring him.
It was just the mole, neck, and muscled chest.
He chuckled, shaking his head, "Sure-sure," I slap a hand on his chest, intentionally, right over his heart.
"Dil chahiye khane ke liye?" The question came out too innocent, almost too casualâlike it didn't make me look like some daily soap vampire.
I groaned, annoyed and embarrassed at the same time. "I said I wasn't, baat mat karo aap mujhse." Saying this I stormed inside my room, pulling the roots of my hairs recalling how stupidly I was gawking at his mole and neck.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm going insane.
The knock on the door starlets me, taking a few deep breaths to ease my chaotic senses, I opened the door. Revealing my annoying husband and our pets standing in front of me, apparently, Bruno was laying on the floor.
Veer nudged Bruno with his leg, then murmured softly, "Go, tell your mumma to eat dinner." I narrowed my eyes at him, stifling a chuckle at this behaviour.
I crouched down and held Bella in my hands, silently praying she won't scratch me orâworseâbite me. "Tell your papa that I'm coming." She meowed in response, a smile curling up on my face.
Not bad, are we making truce Bella?
Placing her down, I stood up and silently strolled in the dining area. Behind me I could hear some mumbles and then the footsteps followed.
We took our usual place on the dining table; right beside each other. Then he served me dinner like always and my stomach twisted in weird emotions, thinking how much a single presence can make you feel at home.
The dinner went quietly & smoothly as always. After dinner, I put the dishes into the dishwasher because Veer won't let me do the dishes on my own.
And after filling both Bruno and Bella's food bowls, I hurriedly stormed into my room to take a warm shower.
It melts away all the negative thoughts I had from being lonely to caged into the crowd of nonsense thoughts.
Wearing the navy blue jersey which I had kind-of stolen from Veer's closetâit wasn't my fault that it was hanging off from the hanger and caught my attentionâ I paired them with beige shorts. And braid my hairs after doing my skincare.
By the time I entered his room, I was on my heels to slumped onto the bed; the comfiest bed ever which comes with a personal hug machine. My steps halt at the thought and the urge to pull my hairs in frustration raises.
Why am I so giddy about going into his room than feeling annoyed like I was an hour ago? It should make me feel anticipated when I think about how I can hug him anytime.
Um well the hug was unexpectedâ even for me.
It was an impulsive thought. I saw him while I was at my low and hugged him.
Nothing much.
Right, right? Aghh.
Taking slow steps, I walked over to the left side of the bed where Veer was already sitting on the right. He wore a grey t-shirt, and the rest of him was hidden beneath the comforter.
Upon seeing me a smile appeared on his face, the boyish grin. All dampened hairs, eyes glimmering as if they had stars in them, lips curled perfectly.
His eyes travelled lower and halts when he noticed the jersey I was wearingâ which I'm not going to return it. When he didn't say anything, I plopped onto the bed and covered myself with the comforter.
It wasn't even a minute as I sat, his voice cut through the silence, "Let's watch horror today." He was ready to spell horror in the search bar but I snatched the remote from his hold.
My eyes narrowed towards him with a frown and fear settled on my face. How could he even think of a horror movie this late? For god sake, I don't want to witness random figures as ghosts in the middle of night.
"Mazak kar rhe the na?" My voice was low, like a shallow breath and my grip tightened on the remote.
He tsked, "Mein kyu mazak Karunga?"
I know he's just messing with meâhe hasn't watched a single horror or violent movie since the day I told him. But every time he brings it up, that same fear settles in the pit of my stomach.
Dropping the remote to make my point, "Mazak nahi tha toh dekh lo aap horror movie. I'm going to my room."
I meant to huff at the end, but when he grasped my wrist and tugged me toward him, a gasp slipped past my lips.
"Mazak tha. I'm sorry." The way he surrendered so quickly left me stunned for a few seconds. What was I even supposed to say now?
What could I say when his eyes held nothing but sincerityâsilently pleadingâand his grasp on my hand felt so warm?
I cleared my throat to compose myself. "Apology accepted, but I think I'm feeling sleepy now." Saying that, I averted my eyes and slumped back onto the bed knowing full well I wasn't sleepy at all.
Pulling the comforter up to my chest, I turned onto my side, facing awayâbecause I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes closed if he was the first thing I saw when I opened them.
Behind me I hear him humming some tunes and in a few seconds the sound of a romantic comedy movie plays, catching my attention.
I slowly roll on my back, eyes on the television before me. The entro song was playing with goofy vibes.
My eyes darted towards Veer and found him already looking at me, a soft smile spreading on his lips as he reached out to ruffle my hair.
Doing this, he turns to watch the tv already caught up in the story. I on the other hand, tried to focus on the movieâbut failed miserably. because after every two minutes my eyes kept drifting back to him.
Observing how hard he was trying to keep his eyes open, the sleep was clearly evident in his eyes.
I nibbled on my lip, reminding myself I should probably focus on the movieânot the husband who was practically fighting a battle to stay awake.
His head kept falling, jerking back up with a startled blink. I bit back a smile at the sight in front of me.
The movie reached intermission when I looked at him again, this time a silent smile curled on my lips, he was sleepingâ relaxed and peacefully.
The soft light illuminates his face and it glows, his features appearing softer rather than sharp like they usually do. I love watching his face under the soft lights, it makes him look magicalâ almost unreal.
Turning on my stomach, I lift my weight on my elbows to reach his face level. I lift my index finger and hover it over his forehead, contemplating whether to touch him or not, and I went with the former one.
Hoping he was really sleeping. I let my finger feather his skin from forehead to the slope of his nose then lower to his lipsâ I didn't touch themâ the lips.
Somehow, it feels strange to touch them. The memories of kissing them floods in my mind, at the ceremony, engagement and then at the reception. All kisses were different from each other, all felt different.
I learn and study his features more closely as if it's a once in a life opportunity to experience this.Â
His chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm, eyelashes touching the curve of his cheeks hiding dreams beneath them.
A soft blow of air causes his hairs to fall slightly over his forehead, and the view becomes even more enchanting. I wanted to capture it, so I did and quietly placed the phone back on the table.
Then I brushed away the black locks from his face, a bubble of giggle erupts from the realisation and I trap my bottom lip between my teeth to stop it.
The heat on my face returns, hairs on the back of my neck rose, goosebumps on all over the body and warmth spread in my chest.
Tapping his nose softly, I mumbles the words that my heart was afraid to sayâ afraid to accept, "I think I like you, Mr.Oberoi."
Hallucinations, I think I'm having them because his face reddens or I'm imagining it? I think I'm high on emotions or â him, right now. Probably both.
Or are they just my mood swings, the PMS? Because I think I just said I like him, as in Veer. I like my husband.
My mind went still, so did my heart and whole system. Oh my-fucking-god.
I slapped a hand over my mouth, holding back a gasp like I'd seen a ghostâhonestly, that would've been a better scenario compared to this emotional disaster. I just confessed I like my husband.
My eyes darted to his sleeping figure and I sank lower in the pillow, thinking it would hide me away from the shock I was currently in. "When the fuck this happened?" My subconscious finally decided to speak.
I try to remember when I first started to like him. Was it when he took care of me when I sprained my ankle, the bangles he bought for me, when he served me food first, or the comfort I feel in his arms at night?
Maybe it was when I wanted to buy that evil eye bracelet for him because I didn't want anything to happen to him, the smile I had on my face after seeing the bangles? Or when I baked his birthday cake?
Or whenâ or it was simply because he feltâ safe.
I groaned, realising what intense calculation I had done in my mind just to find an answer. I'm really going insane.
"It's so fucked up. So, so fucked up because I chose to be a bipolar bitch a few months ago and now my heart had turned into a fucking traitor that it won't listen to me anymore." I curse myself internally.
After a few more beautiful words about myself that I mumble to myself, I turn on my side to face Veer. To see if I can get any answer just by looking at his faceâ I got none.
His hand stretched out, resting above my head on the pillow. I stilled, listening to the pounding beat of my heart right against my ears. Every second it raises, louder than the previous beat.
Soon, embarrassment washed over me as I recall how I giggled like a teenager a few minutes ago after I realised my crush on my husband.
A husband whose face is redder than a tomato, ears and cheeks covered in light crimson hue.Â
The rhythm of his chest falling and raising with each breath gives me hopes that he is genuinely sleeping but the slightest chance of him awakeâ
My eyes closed in regret for saying it aloud, I could have said it in my mind. But no, I've to be a little stupid girl and mess everything up. What will he think of me if he gets to know about my oh-so-confession?
Leaning forward I buried my face in his chest because that was the best place I could find to hide myself. In the arms of the person I like.
Like. I really like him, that's why I'm acting this way. Or maybe my periods are close?
Which one is it god?
When he didn't move, I looked up at himâour faces just inches apart. I could feel his skin against my lips. I inched closer and traced my lips along his cheek, a faint blush creeping up my face at my sudden boldness.
"If anything happens to my heart, you better take the responsibilities, Mr.Oberoi." I murmur softly, putting some distance between our faces as I take in his appearance once again.
I bite my lower lip as I move from kissing one cheek to his nose, pecking it lightly. The cherry lip gloss from my lips glistens on his cheek and nose, sparking a bubble of curiosity in my mind.
I wonder how it would feel on his other cheek tooâhow much my lip gloss would shine there.
Curiosity got the better of me. I leaned in and kissed his other cheek, lingering a little longer. His soft skin brushed against mine, and my breath caught in my throat.
And once again I was being impatient to explore this feeling.
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